You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
