Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
