I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
