Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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