dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize