how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
