I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
