No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Two words: nipple clamps
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