I want to have your abortion
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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