He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
