Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
