i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
