is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
