I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
