I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
