if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
