I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
