Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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