They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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