Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
