i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
