Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
