It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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