It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
