cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Pooping to opera.
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