so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
