I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we made out on top of his cat.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
