cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
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did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
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I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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