mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
