Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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