She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
