Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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