Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
