I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
