First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.