Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.