cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain