she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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