i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
