So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
