I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
