Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
