just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
