at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
