Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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