let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
