Your mouth is God's brothel.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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