I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
