with your own penis?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
