I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
