drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
