I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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