I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
