i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
