Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Randomize
