I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
