Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
