i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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