Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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