I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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