I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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