there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
