Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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