I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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